This did not go well for me

Think of the most painful moments in your life.

Those moments when someone didn’t respect you and your wishes, or when--despite your efforts to be your best self--you weren’t seen, heard or valued.

Can you remember how much that hurt? How disappointing and defeating it felt?

This comes from your boundaries not being respected. 

Let me clarify that boundaries being respected, however, is not the same as being liked. 

Someone can dislike your boundary and still respect it. 

People disliking or judging your boundaries comes from a place of assumption. People respecting your boundaries comes from a place of understanding. 

For women like you, the challenges that arise from boundaries are tricky. It’s not that boundaries are missing for you, it’s that they are not being upheld in the way that most suits you.

It's very likely that your boundaries aren’t being understood clearly enough. And, that you've not been willing to speak up for those boundaries.

I get it, it's easier to just let things slide than be super uncomfortable.

This is typical of empathic types because you have fear about speaking up for what you really need and why you need it. You are used to being the “picky” one because of your sensitive nature and you hate that feeling. 

So, why stand out even more? Why get even more uncomfortable and push yourself toward complete vulnerability?

Following your truth and upholding what you need in your life is a matter of life and health. 💓

The feeling you have of not being respected and valued is also what happens within you every time you push your own intuition aside. When you disregard the powerful messages from your Soul Voice, you are disregarding yourself. 

Every time you stray away from your inner knowings, and the boundaries you know you need to have in place, you are repressing your truth. And it hurts. 


I know first-hand that when your boundaries are being pushed, and you’re denying yourself of what you need, it feels impossible to be at ease. 

I once held my breath about a very important boundary for almost a year because I was so scared of the conversation I needed to have. I didn’t sleep, I constantly played the potential conversation in my head and I worried non-stop about how it would go. But, then I did it. 

I was sweating heavily and I had a very nervous stomach but I said what I needed to say. It went OK but not great.

The next time I had a very important boundary to uphold, I held my breath again. But, this time for "only" six weeks. I had the same experience as before leading up to it, except this is no Cinderella story. 

It did not go well. There was so much dislike for my boundary, I left the conversation in tears. Holy hell, I felt like a mess for that entire conversation but only about ten minutes after. 

What I had to remind myself leading into both of these circumstances, is that I knew I would feel so much better after the conversation was had. And, I did! It was an incredible relief to have my boundaries out in the open. 

I said what I needed to say, I expressed my needs, I had the hard conversation and I upheld my truth. 


Someone can dislike your boundary and still respect it. 

Half the battle for you is knowing there may be dislike. 

This lesson is hardest to learn with parents, family members and old, long-standing relationships. This lesson is easiest to learn with new relationships--where they know the present time version of you--and in an already healthy intimate partnership. This is best learned with people who are, as Brené Brown says, "in the arena" doing this same inner work and who understand that boundaries are life-giving to those of us who enforce them. 

I am here to support you in working with these challenges. 

When you have a trusted source to rely on and be in supportive, consistent conversation with, it makes a world of difference.

One of my current clients has a new celebration every week about the ways she is upholding her boundaries, because she gets to talk through things with me and work through it in real life/real time with my support. I have helped her feel the permission she needed to be herself. I have helped her see that all of her is welcome in her relationships and that speaking up for what she needs is making her healthier and happier!

As a coach, I see the truest version of you--where your best interests are being upheld--and I support you to stand up for yourself time and time again.

If you're curious about doing this work together, let's hop on the phone and talk about it. We'll have an honest conversation about your desires and desired boundaries and how my coaching can support your unique life situations. 

Message me here and we'll set it up--easy as that. 

Until then,
Brandi


P.S. I have one space opening in July for private coaching--a seven month mentorship in following your Soul Voice that includes a private, in-person retreat. Contact me to learn more.